Be kind be kind be kind stay home stay home BE KIND STAY HOOOOOOOME

Ironically, the only way we can do this is together. Max and Possum, my parents’ cats.

I have a horrible suspicion that the horse is bolted, and that by allowing South Africans three days of freedom to prepare for lockdown, we’ve created the perfect conditions for a viral storm. This as a result of the government feeling its way in the dark — how to manage lockdown in a gutted state with perilously few support networks in place, and in which a huge majority have shack roofs over their heads and family scattered around the country — but equally, of citizens exhibiting the most extraordinary levels of, shall we say, foolhardiness?* (translation: fuckwittery of the highest order). And being demonstrated by those who in terms of their education and access to information should really, truly, know better. Their blithe indifference to the social impact of their behaviour is going to cost lives.

The other distressing thing, especially in an apocalyptic world, is watching fungal blooms of rage and shrieking and whining everywhere, but especially on social media. Who knew that dogs could spark such debate and division?

Dear people: please stop. Stop the whining and the bashing and attacking everyone who is actually doing something to try to help. Stop savaging each other on community forum pages and WhatsApp groups. Just stop all the hate, there’s going to be enough terrible grief ahead, when we’ll regret the unkind words we hurled around.

Here are some practical ideas as we go into the unknown.

1) Stay home. STAY HOME. (I would write this in six-foot flaming letters if I could.) Especially if yours is a nice, cosy middle-class home with a fridge and a TV.

2) Stop and spend some time wrapping your head around the fact that we are ALL terrified and exhausted. And trying to make concrete plans (which parent should have the kids? How to take care of my autistic child now that their special school has closed? What to do about my mother dying of cancer in another province? How to help my addicted brother? How to stop my husband beating me over the next three weeks? [some help here] — all concerns I’ve seen come pouring across my screen) while reeling around in a shock the likes of which none of us have experienced before.

The entire world is in shock. Shock is notoriously exhausting, and it scrambles the brain. I also have a completely unscientific theory that because our situation is unprecedented, we’ve having to create new neural pathways in our brains, and that is super-tiring. Understand that shock, stress and fear are a poisonous brew, and that people are not necessarily thinking clearly. Then TRY to be compassionate.

3) If you have a cushion of wealth (i.e. a sturdy roof over your head and food in the cupboard) at this momentous-for-all-the-wrong-reasons time, stop again and imagine how much more terrified and exhausted you would be if you were poor and vulnerable. Try to stand in those shoes, if only for a few minutes. Now choose an NPO or organisation near you that’s supporting the most needy in a maelstrom that’s only going to get worse, and HELP. Give time, skills, contacts, money. (Selfishly, this will make you feel less helpless.)

4) Social media is going to play a HUGE role in getting the world through the times ahead. It’s never been more NB, and looking at the role of public messaging in World War 2, the importance of using it to convey accurate information and boost morale is critical. Also, bearing Number 2 above in mind, try to be measured and calm on social media. Read people’s posts carefully. I’ve seen a huge uptick in folk misunderstanding comments and then flying off the handle in knee-jerk responses. Before saying or typing anything you may regret, go put the kettle on. Then come back and try to be kind and constructive.

5) Be kind, but that doesn’t mean being soft. Some things are always reprehensible, but especially so now: spreading fake news or fomenting racial hatred are unforgivable at this time. Be firm and clear about this, and most especially don’t pass on false info about the virus. You should run ALL so-called medical and scientific facts through a minimum of three reputable sources before posting (this post tells you how to fact-check). Yes, Mr “I’m not an epidemiologist, but…”, I’m talking to you.

6) Understand the basics of how to offer online support. Do NOT give advice unless it’s asked for. Most people just want to be heard, to feel that they’re not alone. A SA woman stuck in London got the dreaded bug, and had a miserable and terrifying week, with days of symptoms so severe she wondered if she was dying. She reached out on Facebook. Blow me down, some dude wrote her an essay on how she would be fine if she just gave up wheat and dairy. (And no, don’t @ me about the wonders of this diet — that’s not the point.) The corollary to this is understanding where people are coming from: when I went through a hideous trauma some years ago, someone I didn’t know well plagued me to try a certain kind of therapy. I counted to about a thousand, then tried to get to the bottom of it, and sure enough, THEY had suffered a similarly hideous trauma, which had been hauled out of the closet of their mind, and they were projecting their means of coping onto me. So even that bloke yelling that not being able to walk his dog is like apartheid might in fact be yelling because he fears the next three weeks might mean the end of his marriage, that he might never see his 84-year-old father alive again, that he himself might die by drowning in his own lungs. (He should still stop yelling, though.)

7) And that brings me to the topic, not of dog-walking, but compromise and common sense: for instance, I’m amazed at how many seem to think a dog is a luxury like a flat-screen telly, which can just be turned off. Dogs don’t use litter trays, and if they’re in an apartment, they are going to have to be taken out for poos, even if it’s to a patch of grass or pavement (I do NOT have to tell you to clean up after them, right?). Likewise, it’s nice to exercise outdoors, but having seen marathon runners in Alaska train indoors (something they do all winter long), dancing around the house is the least you can do. The point: THINK before you blast all and sundry, but let people get stuff off their chests as well.

8) On the subject of rants: last night’s ministerial press briefing was mostly impressive. I won’t say anything about the patriarchal militarist barking out commands as if the nation was a pack of naughty schoolkids, or the bumbler who just frothed, but the rest did a creditable job. I was particularly impressed by the humility of Ebrahim Patel, who explained that this was a learning curve for everyone, and that things would be adjusted as they and we went along. Here’s where a little compromise and flexibility would be useful: I disagree with the ban on cigarettes (even though I’m allergic to them), and although my first response to the alcohol ban was “oh good, this will lower the levels of domestic violence”, my next was “o fok, the only thing worse than being stuck in lockdown with a drunken abuser is being stuck with an abuser going through cold turkey withdrawal.” (Also, if addicts start having DTs and seizures, they will overload a medical system that needs to be cleared for COVID action.) I understand the broad-principle reasoning (as it is, can you imagine how many cartons of ciggies were bought today for resale on the black market?), but what about a halfway measure — RATIONING? Allowing the purchase of liquor and ciggies, but no more than one pack or bottle per person per day? The virus is whooping and shrieking around those queues outside the bottle stores — not a good move. Anyway, what we should be doing is supporting government right now (there go my anarchist credentials). We can carp about their mistakes later, especially if those mistakes only become clear with hindsight. They’re doing a far better job than leaders in many other nations I could mention.

9) Once again, with bells on it. BE KIND. WE need to save every scrap of energy for fighting a terrifying pandemic, not each other. We also need to prepare for the coming of a new world order (well, I hope so — if there’s one lesson we’re learning, it’s that our current social, political and economic systems are broken). So let’s start practicing decency, calm, and the ability to see ourselves as part of a communal network, as in the poet John Donne’s famous lines:

No [one] is an island entire of itself; every [one] 
is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.